The Use of Small Annoyances

"My shirt is scratchy."  "I'm hungry."  "I don't like this seat." "He's bugging me."  Are the children fussy, irritated by small things, discontent,  quick to give up?


"All I want is one cup of coffee without being interrupted."  "I can't believe this mess."  "Can't I just have one minute alone?!"  (Consider any sentence in your mind that begins "Can't I just..." to be a dangerous one.)  Am I frustrated by my house that lacks perfection,  exasperated by pleasures denied, irritated by those around me? 


I am learning that each time some small disagreeable thing is put before me, and I bear it without complaint, and turn my mind from dwelling upon it, I make good use of the opportunity to make my desires my servants rather than my masters.  And, my task in parenting is not to remove all impediments to my children's happiness and comfort.


"If we try to organize perfection, we fail the child.  Part of life is to learn to accept the limitations of any given situation.  We do our children a lifelong service if we help them to make the best of where they live and who they are." (Susan Macaulay)  A wise woman stated in 1891 that a mother should be "pointing out the paths of righteousness rather than those of pleasantness, and taking care herself to walk therein." (Alice Powell)  Ah, such clarity.


Will I not let my mind dwell on the way I feel, but instead be joyous in spite of physical infirmity or small irritations?  Will I cease to review in my mind the criticism, unkind remark or look that offended? (This is part of throwing off "everything that hinders" since such a review locks me in a darkened room of discontent.)


"Never let us reflect upon small annoyances, and we shall be able to bear great ones sweetly. Never let us think over our small pains, and our great pains will be easily endurable."  (Charlotte Mason)  ...Lord, open my eyes to the truth that the small annoyances, properly ignored, are useful for developing the character I desire for my children, and myself.  

We have to form habits to express what God's grace has done in us...it is the disagreeable things which make us exhibit whether or not we are manifesting His life...When disagreeable things happen, do we manifest the essential sweetness of the Son of God, or the essential irritation of ourselves apart from Him?...Growth in grace stops the moment we get huffed.  (Oswald Chambers)

"Do the Next Thing"

As a young mom, I was often overwhelmed by the too many tasks to be done and the constant parade of needs, and I would struggle to have an attitude fit for the requirement.  If I looked at the entirety of demands, I would be tempted to feel sorry for myself.  I was often freed from the cords of discouragement by recalling and acting according to this simple phrase, which brought clarity and calm to my day: "Do the Next Thing."  

I first came across the line in an anonymous poem quoted by Elisabeth Elliot.  She had been left with her infant daughter in a remote jungle missionary station after her husband was killed.  Life was uncertain, overwhelming, and this thought was a great help to her...


Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, do the next thing.


This morning I came across the idea again in the book Ourselves, p. 171: "It is well to make up our mind that there is always a next thing to be done, whether in work or play; and that the next thing, be it ever so trifling, is the right thing...because, each time we insist upon ourselves doing the next thing, we gain power in the management of that unruly filly, Inclination."

That "unruly filly" has so often ridden herd over my children (and myself), and the idea of the "next thing" has been helpful in returning peace to our home.  Often when the children have been fighting, dawdling, pouting, etc., it is because they were not doing the the "next thing" that they ought to have be doing.  The simple question, "What ought you to be doing?" (combined with enough responsibilities assigned to them), calmly spoken, was often sufficient to redirect their thoughts and actions.  And over time, we learn the lesson that, "If you do the next thing as you ought, you won't have time to do that which you ought not."

Atmosphere and the Bible

I love this section from Charlotte Mason: "A word about the reading of the Bible. I think we make a mistake in burying the text under our endless comments and applications. Also, I doubt if the picking out of individual verses, and grinding these into the child until they cease to have any meaning for him, is anything but a hindrance to the spiritual life.The Word is full of vital force, capable of applying itself. A seed, light as thistledown, wafted into the child's soul will take root downwards and bear fruit upwards. What is required of us is, that we should implant a love of theWord; that the most delightful moments of the child's day should be those in which his mother reads for him, with sweet sympathy and holy gladness in voice and eyes, the beautiful stories of the Bible; and now and then in the reading will occur one of those convictions, passing from the soul of the mother to the soul of the child, in which is the life of the Spirit. Let the child grow, so that,

     "New thoughts of God, new hopes of heaven,"

are a joy to him, too; things to be counted first amongst the blessings of a day. Above all, do not read the Bible at the child: do not let any words of the Scriptures be occasions for gibbeting his faults. It is the office of the Holy Ghost to convince of sin; and He is able to use the Word for this purpose, without risk of that hardening of the heart in which our clumsy dealings too often result.”

This beautifully touches on the educational value of Atmosphere.  The same Bible passage can be used as an occasion for “gibbeting faults” as we bury “the text under our endless comments and applications”, or, with a “sweet sympathy” and “holy gladness”, it can be wafted as “a seed, light as thistledown.” 

The difference is due in part to the “posture” of the teacher.  I picture in her words one who comes along side, learns with, delights together, shares authentically, and in this is like Christ, who came down to dwell among us.  May I have His posture with my children, that holy gladness, so that His words would be sweet to them and bear fruit.  

On Joy

While following website links recently I found this: "One of the first goals in creating a...community...is to build the group around joy. While many groups form around a shared fear or problem, this is not a desirable long-term plan. Joy is our deepest motivation and need. Joy needs to be the way we live. [Therapists have] discovered a remarkable reduction in crises and the need for hospitalization when trauma and abuse survivors changed their main goal from dealing with trauma to building joyful lives." Perhaps this is one reason Paul exhorts us to "rejoice in the Lord! .... it is a safeguard for you."

This reminded me of the following paragraph: "Of the three sorts of knowledge proper to a child, the knowledge of God, of man, and of the universe,––the knowledge of God ranks first in importance, is indispensable, and most happy-making....we shall be astonished at the range and depth of children's minds; and shall perceive that their relation to God is one of those 'first-born affinities' which it is our part to help them to make good. A mother knows how to speak of God as she would of an absent father with all the evidences of his care and love about her and his children. She knows how to make a child's heart beat high in joy and thankfulness as she thrills him with the thought, 'my Father made them all,' while his eye delights in flowery meadow, great tree, flowing river. 'His are the mountains and the valleys his and the resplendent rivers, whose eyes they fill with tears of holy joy,' and this is not beyond children."

This summer my two youngest children were with me near Breckenridge we pulled over beside the road so my son could fish a bit.  He started pulling in beautiful trout as we enjoyed a magnificent sunset ever changing all around us.  We were in awe of the river, mountains, sky, and we took a moment to thank our Father "who made them all."  Before we got in the truck, and as the moon rose nearby, my son said, "I don't know why... I'm not sad...but I feel a little like crying."  Those, I believe, were tears of holy joy. They are not beyond children, and if we don't crowd our lives too much, they are not beyond us either.

May we build with joy, at home and at school, because it is a gift with which we reflect an accurate portrayal of our Lord, who is good. "Rejoice in the Lord always."

"These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." --Jesus

Why "For the Children's Sake?"

More than a decade ago, when I was looking for a kindergarten for my firstborn son, a woman gave a book to me by the title, "For the Children's Sake", written by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, Francis Schaeffer's daughter.  As I read it, I was hit with those "aha" moments where truths that were "under the surface" of my conscientiousness suddenly had words attached to them and took on life.  


My parenting at that time (full of stickers and treat jars to manipulate my toddlers to compliant behavior) was miles from the gentle, Christlike ways described in this book.  I could sense that this was so much more full of light and joy and beauty than my sharp lines bounded by law.  


"If Christianity is indeed true, then every last little child matters...Let us really and truly be courageous...One day we will stand before the Creator.  Were we willing to give, serve and sacrifice 'for the children's sake?'"  


The phrase didn't originate with Macaulay, but was the motto of a teaching college in Ambleside, England in the late 1800's.  Here, six volumes were written on learning, and leading children to love to learn.   


Parenting.  Educating.  For the children's sake. In as much, as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, ye have done it unto Me.