Later I was tucking her into bed, where she lay with the Bible turned to the Psalms, and she read some verses out loud to me about David questioning God, and we talked about how honest he was in telling his feelings to God, how he cried out to God, and what he learned. Then she read a few more verses silently and said eagerly, "Mommy, can I write in here?" "Sure", I said, handing a pencil to her from her nightstand, "What do you want to mark?" And she said in her 7 year old way (she is in speech therapy to learn to say her "R" sound),
"...the Lowd has dealt bountifully with you."The Lord, indeed, has dealt bountifully with her, and with me.
I am struck by how naturally that interaction transpired. I did not need to dictate that she read or memorize so many verses a day... indeed, I was too distracted to do so! Rather, I believe that her appetite was whetted by the intimacy with Bible reading and joy in memorization she experiences at school, and by the way she hears the Scriptures discussed around her. She had the beautiful realization, that "Oh! I can participate in this as well! I'm old enough to understand it on my own!" It was no chore, nothing was forced, but she was drawn into a deeper relationship with God by His word -- or more accurately -- she was drawn in to a deeper relationship with the word, by God. And I had the blessing of realizing that I can trust God to draw her, as he drew me, to himself.
I have been struck lately how growth is so often hidden, and cannot be forced, but beautifully surprises us now and then. We do things with our children to bring them along in maturity, but somehow, if we insist on forcing and exactly measuring the growth (in order for us to feel better), we corrupt, even kill, the very thing we seek.
In the physical realm, we feed them healthy food and encourage exercise, but if we continually compare them to a growth chart or another child's performance or shape, we make them self-conscious; rather, we simply go along doing the right things, and one day we are surprised when they are looking at us eye-to-eye, or when their pants come to their ankles, or when they zoom down a slope of moguls in front of us.
In the emotional realm, if I try to force them into maturity, I loose my patience at any failure. I'm better off considering each failure as an opportunity to grow. They will mess up. Their friends will mess up. It may get worse before it gets better. But over time, with proper modeling, instruction, and adult relationships, they will come to increasing emotional maturity themselves, and one day I am delightfully surprised by a real apology, or a refusal to gossip, or a simple offer to serve. My major contribution is how I model maturity in my response to disappointments, failures in others, apparent unfairness, etc.
In the academic realm, is my focus on their "score" that makes me feel good, or not? Or is it on the intellect being made more curious, the habit of diligence being forged, the interest in a new subject, the ability to endure through a difficult task, the delight of a skill newly mastered? Sometimes the growth is obvious, sometimes it is hidden, but if a child is in a rich thought environment at home and in school, trained diligently in habits of responsibility, etc., and given a vigorous curriculum, they will grow. Yes, that growth will eventually be reflected in their writing, their math exams and their standardized tests. But if we place our performance anxiety on them, we may snuff their natural love for learning that is meant to be their inheritance for a lifetime; for the pittance of our seeing an improved score on a spelling test this week.
Similarly, in the spiritual realm, we foster growth primarily by allowing God to change us into people who are kind, dependent, forgiving, genuine, self sacrificing, and we let our children know that any good they see is only because of Christ, and that his word is sweet like honey, and powerful to transform. And, that the cross Mommy they sometimes see, who is selfish and barks about messes, and wants life to be convenient, and gets too wrapped up in her "to-do" list -- that Mommy is a sinner, who has not yet surrendered every part of her self to Jesus, and would they please forgive her and pray for her and be patient with her, as she tries to be likewise with them? We can have prayer and acts of kindness to others, and a life of faith lived in an effort to please Jesus, continually before their eyes. We will not necessarily see steady, measurable growth this week in our children's spiritual maturity, but we can know that God is at work in them. And though they may not remember everything we say, they will remember, and are likely to model their lives upon, that which we consistently do.
Yesterday I was reading in Matthew where the religious leaders asked Jesus for a "miraculous sign" -- they wanted proof! And Jesus responds saying, "None will be given except the sign of Jonah." Jonah, hidden in a fish for three days, was picture of Christ, who was hidden in a tomb for three days before he rose to life. LIFE CAME, but only after time of waiting, a time where everything looked dead, hopeless. We don't like that time of waiting, uncertainty, powerlessness -- we want proof, a sign, a guarantee, a measurement, right now. Oh, Lord, help me to "take hold of the life that is truly life", to walk by faith and not by sight, to know your goodness and that you are at work, to know that you have dealt bountifully with me...and with my children.
Where do you struggle to have faith that growth is really occuring?
