Whereas...
A significant factor in the longevity of women...is having close female friendships. I giggled a giggle that smacked of female superiority when I first heard this conclusion from research noted in The Tending Instinct, by Shelley E. Taylor. But then I began to mull, "Why is that?" "What does that mean for my life?" "Why are relationships with women linked to longevity for both men and women?"
As I pondered, the meaning of the name "Eve" came to mind: "Life-Giver." Could it be that God designed women to "give life" not just physically through childbearing, but in other ways? Am I doing that? Am I receiving "life" from other women? Is there something we have lost as a culture that needs to be regained?
Shortly thereafter, I had a talk with my husband about stress -- his and mine. While excessive stress isn't good for anyone, (warning: sexist statement to follow) we concluded that our home works better when he is under too much stress than when I am under too much stress.
What he said surprised me: "When things are terrible at the office, and it is the end of the quarter, and the numbers aren't there, and the pressures are overwhelming, if I know I have a supportive wife to come home to, and if romance awaits there, it's all OK. I can slug through whatever I need to, because I have you."
But then he added this: "But when you are under undue stress, and you come home, there is no helping you. Even if we help on the homefront to ease your burden, it seems we don't have what it takes to ease your stress."
It is true! And my husband is wonderful. But when I bring stress home, it doesn't leave me -- I just feel added stress that I'm not spending enough time with the children, not nurturing my husband, not getting things done well, not being what I was meant to be. I'm not happy and "ain't nobody happy." I am all "to do," and lack life for myself or for anyone else.
What helps? I could insert some deeply spiritual statement here, and many would be apt, but... it's funny how a walk with a friend helps. A phone conversation with a supportive mother/sister/friend helps. A deep connection with a life-giver helps. A cup of tea with the right kind of woman (see Titus 2) gives perspective, direction, connection, conviction, inspiration, example, joy -- life to me.
Now I begin to see my power and my responsibility and my desire. Life-giver. I am the flesh-and-blood 'life-giver' for my family. (And I'd like to remain the only one.) If my family seems sapped of life, I need to look in the mirror. I sense the need to re-order my life so that what I do does not overwhelmingly stress me, suck the life out of me. Because then everyone starves.
One indicator of my health in this regard is whether I have time for female friends who give life to me. If I can occasionally take the time to walk with a friend or have a deep conversation with a life-giving woman, I am more likely to have the energy to give life to my family. A national survey from 2006 found a sharp decline in friendships. Research co-author Lynn Smith-Lovin, a sociologist at Duke University said, "From a social point of view, it means you've got more people isolated." That means life-starved women and life-starved families.
Now I begin to see my power and my responsibility and my desire. Life-giver. I am the flesh-and-blood 'life-giver' for my family. (And I'd like to remain the only one.) If my family seems sapped of life, I need to look in the mirror. I sense the need to re-order my life so that what I do does not overwhelmingly stress me, suck the life out of me. Because then everyone starves.
One indicator of my health in this regard is whether I have time for female friends who give life to me. If I can occasionally take the time to walk with a friend or have a deep conversation with a life-giving woman, I am more likely to have the energy to give life to my family. A national survey from 2006 found a sharp decline in friendships. Research co-author Lynn Smith-Lovin, a sociologist at Duke University said, "From a social point of view, it means you've got more people isolated." That means life-starved women and life-starved families.
As with so many things, Scripture from ancient days is confirmed psychologically and sociologically today. God's truths are not only spiritual, they are "made flesh". And this particular truth is "made flesh" today in our homes when over-stressed women cannot give to their families the life they desperately need. And, now and then, we see it beautifully "made flesh" when a woman's soul is nourished and overflows and delights to impart life to those around her. (I can count these women on my fingers -- and in my heart!)
Oh, let that be me. What needs to change in my life so I can give life? (Recognizing that, at times, the options for change seem few indeed.) May it be said of me, "she makes the hard choices so that she has life to give," "she overflows with life for others," "she can laugh at the days to come." (Pr. 31:25)
(Notes: Christ is the ultimate life-giver, and marriage relationships can also be life-giving. This purpose of this article is not to discount those sources, but rather to explore the particular way that God uses women bring life to others. Also, please avoid using these thoughts to beat up a spouse, "If only he would give me a break;" "If only she brought more life to our home." -- instead please ponder whether any still, small Voice is speaking gentle truth to your heart. )
Oh, let that be me. What needs to change in my life so I can give life? (Recognizing that, at times, the options for change seem few indeed.) May it be said of me, "she makes the hard choices so that she has life to give," "she overflows with life for others," "she can laugh at the days to come." (Pr. 31:25)
(Notes: Christ is the ultimate life-giver, and marriage relationships can also be life-giving. This purpose of this article is not to discount those sources, but rather to explore the particular way that God uses women bring life to others. Also, please avoid using these thoughts to beat up a spouse, "If only he would give me a break;" "If only she brought more life to our home." -- instead please ponder whether any still, small Voice is speaking gentle truth to your heart. )
Thoughts?
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