The other day I intended to wash my car before
meeting a friend for lunch. My car had the effects of four children
and a dog and a weekend in the mountains, and my friend is always immaculate,
with a beautifully maintained vehicle. But then the call
came. One of my children needed a ride and a talk – during what
would have been my car-washing time. What to do? It seems
I face choices like this all the time…Do I get my shaggy hair cut or help
someone in need? Do I clean my house to perfection or play a game with my
daughter who is hungry for some 'Mommy time'? Do I make an impressive
meal for company or choose a simple alternative so I won’t be snapping at my
children in the process?
So often, the choice I must make is between that
which appears good and that which actually is good;
between the "sizzle" and the "steak." The “sizzle”
is enticing, but the “steak” is what actually nourishes. The
“sizzle” appears good; but the “steak” is good.
Today I was reading the last chapter of Galatians
where Paul discusses the pressure some Christians were under to be circumcised
in order to please their peers. Paul states: “They want to
present a pleasing front to the world and they want to avoid
being persecuted for the cross of Christ... But they want you
circumcised so that they may be able to boast about your
submission to their ruling. Yet God forbid that I should
boast about anything or anybody except the cross of our Lord Jesus
Christ, which means that the world is a dead thing to me and I am a dead man to
the world.”
The pull I feel to appear good is
so that I look good to the world and avoid the shame of not “matching
up”. It is linked to the whole performance-oriented, justification
by works, competitive system of the world. But here Paul says I am
to be as a “dead man to the world”, no longer part of the system of having
to perform in order to be accepted. Rather, I am to boast only in
the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ, in whom I am fully justified. He is
the only source for any goodness I have or do.
When my focus changes to actually being
good because of HIS life in me and from a desire to please HIM, I find
everything changes...
Fast to Slow. “Appearing” is
faster than “becoming.” Real growth takes time, sacrifice, and
struggle. Compare the construction of a “McMansion” with the
skilled workmanship of a real one; or the time required to ‘cram’ for a test
compared with the study necessary to really know material for
a lifetime; or the results a fad diet compared with a real change in eating
habits. Most often, the slower path of "becoming" is
the right one for me.
Bondage to Freedom. That
which makes me merely appear good tends to enslave me and make
me compulsive. My facades need to be constantly tended and propped up and
they usually "rest" on a shaky foundation of fear; whereas that which
is real is solid, lasting, and based on truth, which sets
free. I love the little line, 'Truth is your friend."
If I can make peace with the truth about me, my children, and the way
things are (and, even more, with Truth Himself!), then I can live in freedom.
For example, when a new decade of my life arrives in a couple years, I
can either expend lots of energy and money in trying to appear to be 25 (as if
that was so great), or I can thank God for the gift of long life and ask Him
how He would have me live well, with broadening joy, in the next decade of my
life.
External to Internal. “A
person is not built up from without but from within.” Charlotte
Mason “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks
at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 So, the question: Would this thing
make me, or my children, look better on the outside, or actually be better
on the inside? Am I expending my energies primarily on the outer
trappings of life, or also considering the inner life of my family and my self?
For example, when we consider a highly competitive extracurricular
activity for our child, I need to ask whether it is primarily to make them (and
me) look good? Is it at the cost of the time they or other family members
need to connect with family and friends, to be trained in habits, and to
experience the leisure necessary to become a whole person?
Flesh to Spirit. “A man’s
harvest in life will depend entirely on what he sows... If
he sows for his own lower nature his harvest will be the decay and death of his
own nature. But if he sows for the Spirit he will reap the
harvest of everlasting life from that Spirit. Let us not grow
tired of doing good, for, unless we throw in our hand, the ultimate harvest
is assured.” Gal. 6: 8,9. Silk flowers are showy but
gather dust, whereas sowing seed is largely unseen. But when we reap from
that which is sown to please the Spirit we experience love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control;
whereas our flesh tends to produce strife, jealousy, rivalry, and
factions. The Spirit tends toward unity; the flesh tends toward
separation of God’s people from one another and from Him.
Competition to Oneness. Consider
how difficult it is to really be friends with someone you envy or who envies
you. The trust necessary for friendship is eroded by that kind of competition. Think how the messages all around us urge us to constantly "one
up" one another, in sharp contrast to how Scripture continually urges
us to "be one." As I become good as He is good, my
priority will become 'relationship' over merely 'winning.'
Pride to Humility. “Let every
man learn to assess properly the value of his own work and he can then
be rightly proud when he has done something worth doing, without depending
on the approval of others.” Gal. 6:4. Appearing good depends
on the approval of man; being good seeks the approval of the
“audience of One” and lets us “assess properly” in humility rather than being
puffed up by the good we do. All praise goes to God.
Remake me, Lord, to be good because You are good.
Remind me that I play for an audience of One. Help me to lay at
your feet my desire to appear a certain way. Be my life, Lord, my joy,
my all, my sufficiency. Amen.
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