- A child is a person, not a competition. I recall playgroup conversations about growth rates, developmental milestones, academic achievements, and I realize now how our tendency to view a child as a pawn to compete with others diminishes their unique value as a person. They are more than can be measured; their value is intrinsic and is God-given and sacred.
- My job is not to control, but to gently lead. As a new mom I felt responsible for everything my child did, and for his whole world. With the perspective of time, I see that less concrete words like guidance, mentoring, and nurturing better fit with raising a person.
- The outer is less important than the inner. Whether the shirt is properly ironed or the floor picked up is less important than the tone toward a sibling or an attitude toward life.
- God makes the person, I merely have the privilege to participate in co-creation. Somehow I began with an illusion that I was making this person, that I could take credit (or blame) for who he became. Then I had additional children, and realized that "they are who they are," and we can only help to shape in small degrees these persons whom God has created.
- Parenting is spiritual work and I need to look deeper. With only my human capabilities, parenting would be overwhelming and defeating. But when I pray amidst frustrations, I find spiritual breakthroughs.
- The darkest times are often the portals to light, and repeated painful pangs often precede new birth. I can trust rather than despair. I have been surprised by the joy that follows hopelessness. God is at work and there is more than my eyes can see.
- I will be surprised by what my children will become. My sweet toddler is becoming an engineer. That kindergartener who first walked through the doors of Ambleside School now delights in feeding the homeless, fills our home with worship through piano and song, and played in the state tournament in basketball -- who knew? What surprises await us?
- There is joy in watching my child surpass me. I couldn't do many things he has -- it is a pleasure to watch a person unfold and be more than the sum of his parents.
- God loves my child more than I do. Sometimes that means they will hurt in ways I cannot help, so only Christ can meet their needs. Broken heart, disappointments -- they also are beyond my control; only God's love is sufficient. Maybe that's the point.
- He must increase and I must decrease. I sat in a Senior Presentation where my son honored those who have made a difference in his high school years. I did not know many of the 50 people present. I was part of that event, but only a small part, and in his next stage of life my part will be smaller still. This is the letting go, the giving of wings. I must do it gracefully and gratefully.
Go with God, my son. Make good use of the wings you have been given. Treasure your roots. Your father and I couldn't be more grateful this day.
